I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
