Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Im part way to drunk.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
