i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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