so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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