John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
