This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
