Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
