This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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