Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
