u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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