Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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