Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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