took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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