So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
