Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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