Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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