he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
