Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
