I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
