He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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