Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
