Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm getting married
To pizza
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
