In the future we'll all be gay
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
