i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
