YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
