I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
