i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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