i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
