I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
