Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
