So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
