90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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