Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I need to calm my uterus...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
