Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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