he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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