I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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