I don't usually arrange sex via text message
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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