i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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