i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
