I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
