I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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