Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
