When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
