I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
