I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
