no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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