Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
You work out of a Hotel?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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