I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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