there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
