hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
smell my finger.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
